HE HEARD THAT SUCCESS WAS NOT IN THE DESTINATION, BUT IN THE JOURNEY.
HE ALWAYS KNEW THIS TO BE TRUE BUT COULD NEVER MUSTER UP THE COURAGE TO BELIEVE IT TO BE TRUE FOR HIMSELF.
MULTIPLE TIMES HE WOULD SIT AND PONDER ‘WHY IT WAS THAT LIFE SEEMED TO BE SO REPETITIVE AND SIMPLE, YET SEEMED TO HOLD BACK OR HIDE THE UNFORSEEABLE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE POTENTIALS WAITING TO EXPLODE WITHOUT ANY NOTICE TO ULTIMATELY CREATE A NEW INTERCONNECTED REALITY SOMETIMES COMPLETELY UNKNOWN TO THE INDIVIDUAL OR COLLECTIVE COMMUNITY AT ANYTIME’.
IT WAS AS IF THE ALIENS, AI, GOD, OR UNIVERSAL LAWS OF THE ETERNAL VOID WERE KEEPING EVERYTHING IN A CONSTANT PATTERN OF ORDER, ALONG WITH BRIEF MOMENTS OF DISORDER; AND, IN WHAT SEEMED TO BE, FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE, A PATTERN FOR WHICH HE DID NOT YET FULLY COMPREHEND THE INFINITE POSSIBILITIES OF.
THIS WAS HIS LIFE, AND IT WAS ALL HE KNEW.
HE WAS INCAPABLE OF KNOWING WHAT WAS OUTSIDE THE BOX OR IF HE WAS EVEN IN A BOX AT ALL.
IT DIDN’T MATTER, TO HIM AT LEAST, THAT HE WAS GOING TO MAYBE DIE MAYBE SOMEDAY AND MAYBE NOT BE HERE ANYMORE. MAYBE.
HE DIDN’T YET UNDERSTAND WHY HE WAS EVEN BROUGHT HERE INTO THIS EXISTENCE ANYWAYS.
IT FELT AS THOUGH NOT EVEN TEN SECONDS OR SO AGO, HE WAS FLOATING WITH HIS GRANDMOTHER IN THE KIDDIE POOL, AND NOW HIS GRANDMOTHER WAS GONE AND HE WAS STANDING IN A BAR HOLDING A POOL CUE LOOKING LIKE A DRUNKEN FOOL WITHOUT A CLUE AS TO WHAT TO DO FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
ALL HE KNEW FOR CERTAIN WAS THAT HE WANTED TO WIN THIS GAME OF POOL AGAINST THIS GOOF TO IMPRESS THAT SLIM-THICK CHICK WATCHING FROM BEHIND THE TABLES WAY IN THE BACK, SO THAT HE COULD HOPEFULLY MAYBE SEMI-CHARGE HIS ADRENALINE AND HOPEFULLY MAYBE STILL POSSESS ENOUGH LIQUID COURAGE TO INVITE HER BACK TO HIS TEENY-TINY APARTMENT AFTERWARDS TO CELEBRATE WITH NAKED CUDDLES AND A DISNEY MOVIE.
AND LIKE A MAGICIAN, HE MANIFESTED THE WIN…
THEN POOF, THE GOOF SUCKER PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE AND SPRAYED THE ENTIRE ROOM WITH BEAR MACE.
AND THEY ALL RAN OUT THE BAR LIKE A HERD OF MAD COWS IN SEARCH FOR MILK TO POUR ON THEIR EYES.
IT WAS SOMEWHERE DURING THOSE MOMENTS OF COUGHING AND WHEEZING AND CRYING AND FEELING LIKE HE WAS DYING, HE REALIZED HE NEEDED TO LEARN SOME MARTIAL ARTS. NOT JUST ANY MARTIAL ARTS. HE WANTED TO LEARN SOME OLD SCHOOL SHIT. SOME REAL SHIT. SOME SHIT THAT STINKS. SOME SHIT THAT STINKS ON A SPIRITUAL LEVEL. SOME MARTIAL ARTS SHIT THAT WOULD GIVE HIM THE ABILITY TO DEVELOP THE WISDOM TO FORSEE A POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS SITUATION BEFORE IT UNFOLDS.
HE WANTED TO LEARN THE SHIT THAT ALLOWS HIM TO SEE THROUGH THE SPRAY, JUST LIKE HOW FRANK DUX DID IN BLOODSPORT.
SO, AS HE SAT OUTSIDE THE BAR ON THE CURBSIDE OF THE ROAD, AND STARTED PRAYING TO THE MOST-HIGH TO GET THE SPRAY OUT HIS EYES, THE SLIM-THICK CHICK POPPED UP OUT OF NO-WHERE AND WHIPPED OUT A JUG OF MILK OUT OF HER JUGS AND STARTED TO CAREFULLY POUR THE MILK ON TO HIS SCORCHING EYES.
THIS MUST BE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO GET SAVED BY SLIM-THICK WONDER WOMAN, HE THOUGHT TO HIMSELF.
AS A SENSE OF CALM RETURNED TO HIS EYES, HE BEGAN SEE AND BREATHE MORE CLEARLY. HE NOTICED THAT SHE WAS COMPLETELY SOBER AND THAT SHE WAS COMPLETELY UNTOUCHED BY THE SPRAY AND THAT SHE HAD A COMPLETELY GINORMOUS CHEST.
AND IT WAS IN THAT MOMENT, HE REALIZED, GOD MUST BE REAL.
UPON THANKING HER FOR HER MATERNAL LIKE NATURE, HE STOOD UP FROM THE GROUND AND ASKED HER WHERE SHE WAS FROM.
“THE SOUTH.” SHE DECLARED.
“THE SOUTH OF WHAT?” HE WONDERED OUT LOUD.
“THE SOUTH OF KOREA.” SHE SPECIFIED, WIPING AWAY THE MILK THAT DRIPPED DOWN HIS NECK WITH SOME SOFT TISSUES THAT ALSO APPEARED FROM THE CREVASSE OF HER CHEST.
HE THANKED HER AGAIN FOR THE UNBELIEVABLE ASSISTANCE, THEN ASKED, “ARE YOU NOT AFFECTED BY THE PEPPER SPRAY?”
SHE GIGGLED AND SAID, “NOPE, I CAN EAT THAT SHIT FOR BREAKFAST! MY CRAZY KOREAN GRAND MASTER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SEE THROUGH THE SPRAY WHEN I WAS A SUPER SMALL GIRL. IT DON’T BOTHER ME ONE BIT! IN FACT, I PUT THAT SHIT ON ALMOST EVERYTHING. IT’S LIKE KIMCHI TO ME.”
“WOW! YOU’RE REALLY WEIRD JUST LIKE ME. I LOVE YOU, LET’S BE FRIENDS!” HE SAID LIKE AN EXCITED LITTLE BOY.
“UH, SURE. I GUESS, BUT I ALREADY HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS. LIKE, SO MANY! SOME ARE REAL FRIENDS, MOST ARE FAKE FRIENDS, SOME ARE REAL FAKE FRIENDS, SOME ARE FRIENDS OF MY FRIENDS AND FAKE FRIENDS, AND SOME ARE ON MY FRIENDSHIP WAIT-LIST. SO I CAN PUT YOU ON THE WAITLIST FOR NOW, AND WE CAN REVISE THE LIST AT A LATER DATE.”
“HOLD ON, YOU HAVE A FRIENDSHIP WAITLIST?” HE QUESTIONED IN GENUINE SURPRISE.
“YA, TOTALLY! IT’S PRETTY NORMAL FOR A GIRL LIKE ME WITH A GINORMOUS PERSONALITY THAT MATCHES HER GINORMOUS CHEST.” SHE SAID SOFTLY.
“SURE!” HE SHOUTED SHARPLY. “SO, WILL YOU TEACH ME HOW TO EAT THE BEAR-SPRAY FOR BREAKFAST TOO?”
“I’D LOVE TO, BUT YOU SHOULD GO SEE MY CRAZY KOREAN GRAND MASTER IN SEOUL INSTEAD. HE RUNS A GIMBAP SHOP BY DAY AND STILL TEACHES EVENING MARTIAL ARTS CLASSES SOMEWHERE NEAR SEOUL STATION BY NIGHT. GO SEE HIM AND ASK HIM TO LEARN ‘REAL AUTHENTIC MARTIAL ARTS’ IN KOREAN. IF YOU DO THIS, I AM ALMOST CERTAIN HE WILL ALLOW YOU TO TRAIN WITH HIM, AND HE WILL SHARE WITH YOU HIS MOST SECRET MARTIAL STYLE, AND MAYBE, EVEN HIS MOST SECRET GIMBAP RECIPE AS WELL, IF YOU’RE REALLY LUCKY.” SHE EXPLAINED JOYFULLY.
THEN SHE PULLED OUT HER PHONE FROM THE CREVASSE OF HER GINORMOUS CHEST AND ASKED HIM TO PULL OUT HIS PHONE SO THAT THEY COULD EXCHANGE NUMBERS SO SHE COULD THEN SEND HIM THE CONTACT INFO AND ADDRESS OF HER CRAZY KOREAN GRANDMASTERS GIMBAP SHOP.
“PULL OUT YOUR PHONE, PLEASE.” SHE SAID EMOTIONLESS.
“OKAY.” HE REPLIED, AS HE NONCHALANTLY WHIPPED OUT HIS PHONE LIKE A COWBOY IN A WESTERN DUEL. “SO, MY NAME IS G. WHAT’S YOURS?”
“FUK-MI” SHE ANNOUNCED IN A HIGH PITCHED VOICE. THEN SHOWED OFF A SQUINTY-EYED SMILE AS SHE KICKED UP HER LEG BEHIND HER WITH BOTH HER HANDS FLASHING THE VICTORY SIGN.
“WELL, WHAT AN ABSOLUTE PLEASURE IT WAS TO HAVE MET YOU MS. FUK-MI.” HE SAID, WITH HIS FACE TURNING BRIGHT RED AND HIS LIPS PRESSED SO HARD AGAINST HIS FRONT TEETH IN AN ATTEMPT TO NOT BURST OUT IN UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER.
“YA, YOU TOO, G.!” SHE SHOUTED WITH A DECRESCENDO.
ONCE THEY EXCHANGED INFORMATION, HE THANKED HER A FINAL TIME BY SAYING “FUK-MI, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, YOU ARE LIKE THE SLIM-THICK WONDER WOMAN IF THERE EVER WAS ONE. HOW DID YOU GET A BODY LIKE THAT?”
“I DON’T KNOW, I WAS JUST BORN THIS WAY!” SHE REPLIED CONFIDENTLY.
“COOL.” HE REPLIED CALMY. “WELL, I GUESS I’M OFF TO KOREA TO GO LEARN AUTHENTIC MARTIAL ARTS FROM YOUR CRAZY KOREAN GRANDMASTER.”
“YEP, GOOD LUCK! OH, AND IN THE UNFORTUNATE EVENT THAT HE SAYS NO, OR THAT KOREA DOESN’T ACCEPT YOU DUE TO A LONG HISTORY OF SEVERELY RIDICULOUS YET COMPLETELY REASONABLE CULTURAL AND RACIAL PREJUDICES INVOLVING DISCRIMINATORY PRACTICES IN REGARDS TO MOST FOREIGNERS, YOU SHOULD JUST GO AND HOP ON OVER TO THAILAND TO STUDY MUAY THAI WITH THE LOCALS. I HEARD THAT THEY ARE JUST AS CRAZY AS MY CRAZY KOREAN GRANDMASTER, BUT A LOT MORE HOSPITABLE AND THEY USUALLY EAT ENTIRE COCONUTS FOR BREAKFAST, NOT GIMBAP.” SAID FUK-MI.
“WOW FUK-MI, THANKS, THAT’S REALLY GOOD TO KNOW! SAID G. WITH GREAT SURPRISE. “I’M GOING TO GO AND TAKE THE NEXT BUS STRAIGHT TO THE COWTOWN AIRPORT AND CATCH THE NEXT FLIGHT TO KOREA RIGHT NOW.”
“YA, SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD START. WELL, BYE FOR NOW. MAYBE I WILL CONTACT YOU TO SEE HOW YOU ARE DOING ONCE MY FRIENDSHIP WAITLIST GETS A REVISION AND YOU ARE ADDED TO A MORE IMPORTANT CLASS OF FRIEND IN MY OVERLY SELF COMPLICATED LIFE.” FUK-MI SAID WITH A LIGHT SMIRK.
“SURE! YOU DO YOU, BOO. I’M GOING TO GO LEARN SOME AUTHENTIC MARTIAL ARTS WITH THE HOPES OF EVOLVING INTO A SUPER SAIYAN WITH A POWER LEVEL WELL OVER 9000. REACH OUT TO ME WHEN IT’S TIME AND MAYBE WE WILL MEET UP SOMEWHERE TO DRINK VIRGIN PIÑA COLADAS IN THE SHADE AND GO DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT OR WATCH AN OLD MOVIE OR SOMETHING OF THE SORT. BUT UNTIL THEN, BYE FOR NOW!” HE SHOUTED, AS HE WAVED BACK A GREAT GOODBYE AND WALKED ON INTO THE DUSK TOWARDS THE NEAREST BUS STOP HEADED TO THE AIRPORT.
“HEY, WAIT FOR ME!” SHE SCREAMED FROM AFAR. “I DID SOME THINKING OVER THE PAST EIGHT SECONDS AND NOW I WANNA COME WITH YOU. PLUS, YOU ARE DEFINETELY GOING TO NEED A GUIDE AND A TRANSLATOR IN KOREA, SO YOU DON’T EXPERIENCE MISTRANSLATIONS OR GET TAKEN ADVATAGE OF BY SOME OF THE MORE MISCHEVIOUS LOCALS THROUGHOUT YOUR JOURNEY” SHE ADDED.
HE LOOKED DOWN AT HER FEET. SHE WAS WEARING FRESH, WHITE, REAL CROCODILE SKIN CROCKS.
“SURE, GREAT IDEA! BUT, DON’T YOU NEED TO PACK SOME EXTRA BELONGINGS?” HE QUESTIONED.
SHE REACHED INTO THE CREVASSE OF HER CHEST AND PULLED OUT A PLATINUM CARD.
“NO, OF COURSE NOT, I HAVE MY SUPER RICH DADDY’S CREDIT CARD WITH A SUPER HIGH PURCHASE LIMIT. WE WILL JUST GO SHOPPING AND BUY US BOTH SOME NEW, UBER EXPENSIVE AND UNQUSTIONABLY FASHIONABLE OUTFITS ALONG THE WAY! SHE REPLIED, WITH BIG SPARKLING EYES.
“SURE, GREAT IDEA! BUT WON’T YOUR SUPPER RICH DADDY BE UPSET THAT YOU JUST LEFT TOWN WITH A RANDOM GUY YOU JUST MET COVERED IN MILK?” HE ASKED.
SHE LOOKED DOWN AT HER FRESH WHITE CROCODILE CROCKS WITH HER HANDS HELD LIGHTLY BEHIND HER BACK AS SHE DREW A HALF CIRCLE WITH HER TIPTOE IN FRONT OF HER. “IT’S ENTIRELY POSSIBLE.” SHE ADDED. “AND ALMOST LIKELY! BUT, I HONSELTY FEEL THAT HE’S FAR TOO BUSY BEING MY SUPER RICH DADDY DOING SUPER RICH DADDY THINGS, LIVING HIS SUPER RICH DADDY LIFE, AND IS EITHER FAR TOO BUSY, OR SIMPLY JUST WON’T MIND THAT MUCH IF HE KNOWS I’M SUPER SAFE AND HELPING A GENUINE GENTLEMAN IN NEED, SO I’LL JUST TEXT HIM QUICKLY AND LET HIM KNOW I’M STEPPING OUT FOR A BIT WITH A RANDOM HANDSOME GUY I JUST MET WHO IS COVERED IN MILK, JUST TO BE A GOOD GIRL, AND EVEYTHING WILL BE FINE, I GUARUNTEE. TRUST ME! PLUS, I FEEL LIKE THIS IS WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN RIGHT NOW FOR THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME FOR THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE, PLUS, ON TOP OF THAT, ALL THIS TALK OF KOREA REMINDS ME OF THIS SUPER BOUGIE BEACH AREA I KNOW OF WHERE WE CAN GET THE BEST VIRGIN PIÑA COLADA ICE CREAM YOUV’E EVER HAD IN YOUR LIFE, BECAUSE KOREA HAS A SERIOUS ICE CREAM SCENE, SO LETS GO RIGHT AWAY AND CATCH A FLIGHT, AND NOT MORE FEELINGS! SHE SAID PASSIONATELY.
SUDDENLY, THE AIRPORT BUS CAME SNAILING AROUND THE CORNER AT FULL SPEED TOWARDS THE BUS STOP.
“OK, SOUNDS GOOD ENOUGH TO ME. FUK-MI, QUICK, TAKE THESE COINS!” HE EXCLAIMED, AS HE PLACED THE TRANSIT FARE DIRECTLY INTO HER PALM.
G. THEN FIRMLY GRABBED HER HAND, LOOKED FOR NO SIGN OF ONCOMING TRAFFIC, AND WITH A LIGHT TUG ON HER ARM, THEY RAN OFF TOGETHER STRAIGHT ACCROSS THE ROADWAY DIRECTLY TOWARDS THE BUS STOP THAT WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD WITH GREAT SUCCESS, AND WHEN THE BUS STOPPED AND THE DOORS OPENED WIDE, THEY EACH GAVE A LIGHT NOD TO THE BURLY LOOKING DRIVER, HOPPED ABOARD, TOSSED IN THEIR COINS INTO THE PAYMENT SLOT, AND SAT DOWN TO ENJOY THE COMFY RIDE TOWARDS THE AIRPORT.
TO BE CONTINUED…