DEAR [NAME] – LAFAWNDUH,
ARE YOU MALNOURISHED, FAT, SMELLY, MENTALLY ILL OR SUICIDAL?
ARE YOU AN ABUSED LOSER WHO INEVITABLY LOATHES THEMSELVES?
ARE YOU A COMPLETE AND TOTAL LONER WHO JUST HATES YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE?
WELL, TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY.
THANK GOODNESS YOU FOUND ME.
AFTER YEARS OF TRYING TO PRETEND TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND HEALTHY BY LISTENING TO OTHERS AND PURCHASING THEIR POINTLESS PROGRAMS THAT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE THROUGH EXERCISING, DIETING, READING, INVESTING AND IMPROVING MY SELF-IMAGE,
TODAY IS OFFICIALLY THE DAY,
THEY DAY WHERE I CAN FINALLY SAY,
“YOU CAN LISTEN TO ME AND PURCHASE MY POINTLESS PROGRAM!”
OR SHOULD I SAY… “YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF!”
THAT’S RIGHT!
THIS IS THE DAY WHEN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE YOUR TRUE POWER BACK.
THIS IS THE DAY WHEN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO EMBRACE YOUR TRUE FEMININITY OR MASCULINITY OR WHATEVER-INITY YOU THINK YOU ARE.
THIS IS THE DAY WHEN YOU WILL EXPERIENCE REAL RESULTS.
AND YOU CAN DO THAT, BY TRAINING WITH ME, GURU G-BEAR!
I JUST LOST A TON OF WEIGHT BY NOT EATING OR POOPING OR DOING LITTERALLY ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE FOR WHAT FELT LIKE A ENTIRE FORIEGN PRISON SENTENCE,
AND I WANT TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DO IT TOO!
DOESN’T THAT SOUND HIGHLY EFFECTIVE?
???
I’LL GIVE YOU A BIG FAT HINT, IT SURE WAS!
I HAVENT EATEN IN DAYS, SO I’M AS SKINNY AS RUNAWAY MODEL,
WHICH MAKES PEOPLE FINALLY NOTICE ME.
AND CONSEQUENTIALLY, I HAVEN’T POOPED IN DAYS!
WHICH SAVES ME TIME AND ENERGY FROM HAVING TO WASTE SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY POOPING LIKE REGULAR PEOPLE.
NOW, I HAVE MORE TIME TO BE AN ENLIGHTENED BEING, RATHER THAN WASTE TIME DOING THE THINGS I USED TO DO.
LIKE EATING AND POOPING!
NOW I DON’T EAT,
AND NOW I DON’T POOP.
BECAUSE I AM ON THE FURIOUSLY FASTING POINTLESS PROGRAM!
DOESN’T THAT SOUND LIKE THE LIFESTYLE CHANGE YOU THINK YOU NEED BUT PROBABLY AND ALMOST CERTAINLY DON’T, TO HELP YOU EFFECTIVELY LOSE ALL THAT NEGATIVITY HOLDING YOU BACK FROM ENLIGHTENING YOURSELF AND LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE?
DOESN’T THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO GO ALL IN ON LOSING EVERY POINTLESS POUND?
???
DON’T YOU WANNA TRY TO GET ALL THE WAY DOWN TO 0 LBS SO YOU CAN MAYBE IMPRESS THAT GUY OR GIRL WHO ONLY TALKS TO SKELETONS OR RUNAWAY MODELS?
NO FOOD TO FANTASIZE ABOUT.
NO POINTLESS POOPING.
JUST PURE NONSENSE AND FRESH AIR WITH NO ENERGY TO ACHIEVE ANTHING.
BUT SPEAKING OF THE ENLIGHTENING 0 LBS,
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO ACHIEVE THAT LEVEL OF ENLIGHTEMENT?
YOU REALLY TRYNA GET THERE?
IF THAT’S YOU,
I WANNA PERSONALLY INVITE YOU TO MY “0 LBS IN 30 DAYS FURIOUSLY FASTING POINTLESS PROGRAM“.
THE BEST BIT, IF YOU DIE FROM STARVATION OR MALNOURISHMENT, YOU CAN’T SUE ME!
YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO STARVE YOURSELF TO GET THE ATTENTION YOU DESPERATELY DESIRE.
AND GUESS WHAT?
IT WILL ONLY TAKE JUST ALL OF YOUR MONEY TO PURCHASE MY FURIOUSLY FASTING POINTLESS PROGRAM.
WANT IN ON THE FUN?
IF YOUR READY TO LOCK IN LIKE ME AND FAST FURIOUSLY TOWARDS ENLIGHTENMENT,
AND WANT TO PAY ME ALL YOUR MONEY BEFORE YOU BACK OUT BECAUSE YOU REALIZE HOW IDIOTIC IT IS.
CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE MY POINTLESS PROGRAM.
[LINK] – SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT WITH GURU G-BEAR
P.S. SPOILER ALERT
I RECENTLY LEARNED THE SNEAKIEST HACK EVER.
AND I WANTED TO SHARE IT WITH YOU IF YOU BUY MY FURIOUSLY FASTING POINTLESS PROGRAM.
NO GURU WILL DARE TELL YOU THIS ON THE INTER-WEB.
(THEY WILL DESPISE ME FOR EVEN SHARING THIS GOLD FOR FREE)
ANYHOW,
SEE YA IN THE FASTING FURIOUSLY POINTLESS PROGRAM!
P.S.S. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, FEEL FREE TO ASK A DOCTOR BECAUSE I’LL BE TOO BUSY SPENDING YOUR MONEY ON FOOD AND DRINKS AND SELF-CARE ESSENTIALS.